New Drugs for
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth
a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of
men in today's society. (This is making the rounds.)
DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to
men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop
and ask for directions when they got lost, compared to a control
group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental
new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair
project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported
a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks --
especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82
percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that
their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if
its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached
men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry
and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be
seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer
than your favorites store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite
effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange
effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually
converse with other family members.
CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become
uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and
replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical
trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to
dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent
over-dose turned three test subjects into special
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less
than truthful when they are asked about their sexual affairs.
Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength