1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't
pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila,
3. One nice thing about egotists: They
don't talk about other people.
4. To be intoxicated is to feel
sophisticated but not be able to say it.
5. Never underestimate the power of stupid
people in large groups.
6. The older you get, the better you
realize you were.
7. I doubt, therefore I might be.
8. Age is a very high price to pay for
9. Procrastination is the art of keeping up
10. Women like silent men, they think they're
11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth.
Deal with it.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all
13. A fool and his money are soon partying.
14. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on
15. Before they invented drawing boards, what did
they go back to?
16. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the
18. If God dropped acid, would he see
19. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the
rest have to drown too?
20. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is
it still #2?
21. If work is so terrific, how come they have to
pay you to do it?
22. If you're born again, do you have two
23. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you
still be hungry?
24. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have
25. Why is it called tourist season if we can't
shoot at them?