If IBM made toasters...
They would have one big toaster where people
bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim
a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Xerox made toasters...
You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would
automatically jam your bread for you.
If Apple made toasters...
They'd claim their toaster was compatible with
all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd
discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant
Extension was three years away and that indeed the whole appliance
was just blowing smoke.
If Sun made toasters...
The toast would burn often, but you would get a
really good cuppa Java.
Does DEC still make toasters?...
They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster,
which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster
than any other single-slice toaster in the world.
If Sony made toasters...
The Toast-Man would barely be larger than the
single piece of bread it was designed to toast, and it could be
conveniently attached to your belt.
If Harvey Norman made toasters...
They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a
six-pack of last year's model.
And, of course:
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would
have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but
you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster 95 would weigh
15,000 pounds.(hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop),and
draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95 per cent
of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster
that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be,
and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out
who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but
nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works
with their toasters.