Ski season is almost here!! As a community
service, here is a list of different excercises you can do to get
in shape and prepare.
16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit
in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50
dollar bills to warm up.
15. Soak your gloves and store them in the
freezer after every use.
14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the
top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with
glue smeared on the lenses.
12. Throw a hundred dollar bill away-now.
11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the
ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis,
accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.
Sporadically drop things.
10. Place a small but angular pebble in your
shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp
around your toes.
9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw
8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and
ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50
for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your
jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket
lacerate your face.
5. Drive slowly for five hours -- anywhere -- as
long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18
4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button
and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until
it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and
then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and
Sunday until it's time