MEN: MULTIPLE
CHOICE
Note: I've
discovered that all "real men" answer "C" to all of these
questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding
men and enriching their own lives.
1. As you grow
older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the
most?
A.
Innocence.
B.
Idealism.
C.
Cherry bombs.
2. When is it okay
to kiss another male?
A.
When you wish to display simple and pure affection
without
regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B.
When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
C.
When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is
the
only really sportsman-like way to let him know that,
for
business reasons, you have to have him killed.
3. What about
hugging another male?
A. If
he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal
disease.
B. If
you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.
C. If
you're a professional baseball player and a teammate
hits
a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him
provided
that: (1) He is legally within the base path, (2) Both of
you
are wearing sufficient protection, and (3) You also pound
him
fratern ally with your fist hard enough to cause
fractures.
4. In your opinion,
the ideal pet is:
A. a
cat.
B. a
dog.
C. A
dog that eats cats.
5. Alien beings
from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and
you
are
the first human they encounter. As a token of
intergalactic
friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly
sophisticated
device
that is capable of curing all disease, providing an
infinite
supply
of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and
permanently
eliminating opp ression and violence all over the entire Earth.
You
decide:
A.
Present it to the President of the United States.
B.
Present it to the Secretary General of the United
Nations.
C.
Take it apart.
6. You have been
seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One
leisurely
Sunday
afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching
a
football game; she's reading the papers. Suddenly, out of the
clear
blue
sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but
she
can no
longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your
relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want
to
get
married; only whether you believe that you have some kind
of
future
together. What do you say?
A.
That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a
future,
but you don't want to rush it.
B.
That although you also have strong feelings for her,
you
cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to
make
a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her
by
holding out false hope.
C.
That you cannot believe the Vikings called a draw play
on
third and seventeen.
7. Okay, so you
have decided that you truly love a woman and you want
to
spend
the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and
the
sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell
her?
A. You
take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after
dinner.
B. You
take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say
her
name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze
blowing
her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C.
Tell her what?
8. One weekday
morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to
get
your three children ready for school. Your first question to her
is:
A. "Do
they need to eat or anything?"
B.
"They're in school already?"
C.
"There are three of them?"
9. What, in your
opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the
fact
that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty
years
before
they finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He
was being tested.
B.
Wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when
they
finally got there.
C. He
refused to ask for directions.
10. What is the
human race's single greatest achievement?
A.
Democracy.
A.
Religion.
B.
Remote control.
