1. If you can't get your work done in the
first 24 hrs.....work nights.
2. A pat on the back is only a few
centimeters from a kick in the butt.
3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you
can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
4. It doesn't matter what you do, it only
matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
5. After any salary raise, you will have
less money at the end of the month than you did before.
6. The more crap you put up with, the more
crap you are going to get.
7. You can go anywhere you want......if you
look serious and carry a clipboard.
8. Eat one live toad first thing in the
morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the
9. When the bosses talk about improving
productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
10. If at first you don't succeed, try
again.....then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
11. There will always be beer cans rolling on the
floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the
12. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's
13. Everything can be filed under
14. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the
beginning of a cocktail hour.
15. To err is human......to forgive is not our
16. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it
isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
17. Important letters that contain no errors will
develop errors in the mail.
18. If you are good you will be assigned all the
work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
19. You are always doing something marginal when
the boss drops by your desk.
20. People who go to conferences are the ones who
21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing
would ever get done.
22. At work, the authority of a person is
inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is
23. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and
24. Following the rules will not get the job
25. Getting the job done is no excuse for not
following the rules.
26. When confronted by a difficult problem, you
can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question: "How
would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"
27. No matter how much you do, you never do
28. The last person that quit or was fired will
be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.