Im Gerichtshof
DISORDER IN THE COURT
YOU'RE UNDER OATH
Here are some more classic Court transcripts,  all recorded by the keepers of the word in various parts of the world...
LAWYER:  What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's vagina  show?
WITNESS: There were traces of semen.
LAWYER:  Male semen?
WITNESS: That's the only kind I know of.
LAWYER:  Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER:  Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER:  Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER:  So, after the anesthetic, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
WITNESS: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
LAWYER:  It was covered?
WITNESS: Yes.  Bandaged.
LAWYER:  Then, later on, what did you see?
WITNESS: I had a skin graft.  My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.
CLERK:   Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..."
WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God."
CLERK:   "That the evidence that I give..."
WITNESS: That's right.
CLERK:   Repeat it.
WITNESS: "Repeat it".
CLERK:   No!  Repeat what I said.
WITNESS: What you said when?
CLERK:   "That the evidence that I give..."
WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give."
CLERK:   "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!
CLERK:   Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know.
CLERK:   We can appreciate that.  Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and."
CLERK:   Say: "Nothing...".
WITNESS: (Witness remains silent.)
CLERK:   No!  Don't say nothing.  Say: "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK:   Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth..."?
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK:   Well?  Do so.
WITNESS: You're confusing me.
CLERK:   Just say: "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: Is that all?
CLERK:   Yes.
WITNESS: Okay.  I understand.
CLERK:   Then say it.
WITNESS: What?
CLERK:   "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: But I do!  That's just it.
CLERK:   You must say: "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the truth!
CLERK:   Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But", "The", "Truth".
WITNESS: What?  You mean, like, now?
CLERK:   Yes!  Now.  Please.  Just say those four words.
WITNESS: "Nothing.  But.  The.  Truth."
CLERK:   Thank you.
WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar.