If IBM ran Christmas...
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue,
where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving
presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing
If Microsoft ran Christmas...
Each time you bought an ornament, you would have
to buy a tree as well. You wouldn't have to take the tree, but you
still have to pay for it anyway. Ornament/95 would weigh 1500
pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop tree), draw enough
electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your
living room, would claim to be the first ornament that uses the
colors red/green together. It would interrogate your other
decorations to find out who made them. Most everyone would hate
Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them since most of
the other tree types wouldn't work with their hooks.
If Apple ran Christmas...
It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments
do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of
If Silicon Graphics ran Christmas...
Ornaments would be priced slightly higher, but
would hang on the tree remarkably quickly. Also the colors of the
ornaments would be prettier than most all the others. Options would
be available for 'equalization' of color combinations on the
If Dell ran Christmas...
Wait a minute? Isn't IBM running this
If Fisher Price ran Christmas...
"Baby's First Ornament" would have a hand-crank
that you turn to hang the thing on the tree.
If the Rand Corporation ran
The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and
seamless black cubes. Christmas morning there would be presents for
everyone, but no one would know what they were. Their service
department would have an unlisted phone number, and be located at
the North Pole. Blueprints for ornaments would be highly classified
government documents. X-Files would have an episode about
If the NSA ran Christmas...
Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that
only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree
for reasons of national security.
If DEC ran Christmas...
We used to have Christmas back in the '70s,
If Hewlett-Packard ran Christmas...
They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament,
which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and
placed out for viewing the day after the January Bowl Games.
If Sony ran Christmas...
Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be
barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to
celebrate the season with a device attached conveniently to your
If the Franklin Mint ran
Every month, you would receive another lovely
hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament
collection. Each ornament would weight about 7 pounds, and require
you to pay shipping and handling charges.
If Cray ran Christmas...
The holiday season would cost $16 million but
would be celebrated faster than any other holiday during the
If Thinking Machines ran
You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments
on your tree (all identical) at the same time.
If Timex ran Christmas...
The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal
driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on
If Radio Shack ran Christmas...
The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know
anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts
to build your own tree.
If K-Tel ran Christmas...
Ornaments would not be sold in stores, but when
you purchased some, they would be accompanied by a free set of
If University of Waterloo ran
They would immediately change the name to