A whole bundle of jokes
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.".

Sitting on the side of the highway with his radar gun waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. Since the minimum speed on an Interstate Highway is 45, he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand. I was doing exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?".
"Ma'am" the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.".
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly.....Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly, pointing to a sign just ahead.
The Police Officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that the "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error to her.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask.....is everyone in this car. OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time" the officer says.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.".

Four Old Catholic women were having coffee. The first woman tells her friends ......
'My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.'
The second woman chirps, 'My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'
The third old woman says 'My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'.
Since the fourth woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle 'Well...?' look, so she says 'My son is 6'2'; he has broad, square shoulders; he's terribly handsome and dresses very well. Whenever he walks into a room, women say 'Oh, my God...'

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, 'At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day.'
'Can't replied the farmer. 'At night I haul water for the hole.'

A Brooklyn lawyer named Ernie successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms.
As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm.
'Young man, where are your scruples? Isn't there anyone too low for you to defend?'
'I don't know, ' Ernie says, 'What have you done?'

An old lady is rocking away the last years of her life on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when all of a sudden - a Leprechaun appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
'Well, now,' says the old lady, 'I guess I would like to be really rich.'
*** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
'And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.'
*** POOF*** she turns into a beautiful young woman.
'Your third wish?' asked the Leprechaun. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
'Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?' she asks.
*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear: 'Bet your sorry you had me neutered.

Did you hear about Little Johnny? He is four years old.
He was bugging Mother so she said, 'Johnny, why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work. Maybe you'll learn something.' Little Johnny was gone about 2 hours. When he came home his Mother asked him what he learned.
Johnny replied, 'Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the son of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the shit head back down. Then you have to take a hair off each side and put the Mother f*cker back up.'
Johnny's Mother said, 'you wait till your Dad comes home.'
When Little Johnny's dad got home, mom told him to ask Johnny what he learned across the street. Johnny told his dad the whole story. Dad said, 'Johnny, you go outside and get the switch.'
Little Johnny replied, 'F*ck you, that's the Electrician's job.'